A Word From Light House International

Pastor Peter l. Evans &

Evangelist shantell evans

I once heard it said that "some love lasts a lifetime but true love lasts forever." In the view of many, this phrase is rather contradictory because of one main reason: isn't a lifetime actually equivalent to forever? After all, who really loves forever. After death, what is there? Well it's simple, after the death of a lover the joy of their memories can continue living in the heart of a partner. With this joy, the individual is able to continue living with the pleasure of knowing and loving the individual long after they have passed. For this reason, true love persists forever in the spirit and mind of the ones left to go on.

For some, this season of Valentines brings much heartache and pain because it reminds them of a dear someone who died. However, you can take comfort in knowing that the memories you were able to accumulate during the life of the individual are such that can last forever. Take a moment and reminisce a shared time of love or romance with your dearly departed. Meanwhile don't let it leave you soiled or disheartened. Perhaps you may find greater confidence in reaching out to someone (a family member or friend) you know can benefit from your grief. Embrace a shared mo-ment of love with them today.

In this season of love, I wonder how many of us can truly say that our love can be graded as one that is lasting forever versus a lifetime. I personally have had the pleasure of being married to the same man for the past 12 years. In my view, our marriage is a match made in heaven because in more ways than one, we have managed to withstand several tests of time. We were blessed to marry each other twice, and would have done it a third time had certain obstacles not existed. When I compare the husband of yesterday with the one I have now, I can say that our love truly is bound for everlasting glory. Several reasons lead me to conclude this.

Firstly, he is my priest. As a priest he is consistent in leading his family in worship at church and at home. He rises for prayer about 4 a.m. every morning to present his family, friends and this nation before God.

Secondly, he doesn't take me for granted. He does everything in his power to ensure that I am comfortable and happy, long after my work day is finished. How many women can brag of a husband who willingly assists with household chores. Some men stay home for hours after their wives have gone to work and do nothing to help tidy up the home. When they get up, they leave the bed just the way it was slept in. Some women work longer hours than their husbands, and when they get home they have to clean, cook and then perform their martial duties in the bed chamber. Sadly, a lot of them are exhausted and frustrated to the point that they are unable to respond effectively.

Hence, the question is, how can a marriage that appears to be lasting a lifetime be transformed to one that lasts forever? Its simple, begin utilizing these three fundamental principles and you should see positive results. I wouldn't share them if I hadn't tried them myself.

1. Don't take each other for granted. If the individual you are with attempts to share his or her deepest emotional or psychological concerns, don't pretend as though you know the person so well that there's no need to consider what they are thinking or feeling as a matter of importance. After working in the supreme court for a short time, I was privy to several testimonies of marriages that concluded in divorce because one mate took the other for granted one time too many. There were cases whereby marriages that were conceived to be firm and unshakable suddenly broke into shambles after 15 to 20 years of marital bliss. This basically happened because one person took for granted the other's emotional and psychological needs too many times. I recall the story of a husband who worked two jobs and long hours, all in an effort to accumulate the down payment for a home. After getting the home his wife expressed how concerned she was about him continuing to work so much and asked him to quit one of the jobs so that they could have more family time. You see, because of the long hours and many work days, he hardly found time to spend with his wife and child. After he refused to quit one of the jobs, his wife eventually became so frustrated with asking him and tired of being home alone that she simply packed her bags and left. He in turn ended up being alone with the house and job he so cherished.

This is only one example of how taking a mate for granted could lead to divorce. Yes it is important for a husband or wife to push to provide for a family's total being, but what is it causing you to sacrifice in the meantime? A sense of balance is crucial with anything that we do. It permanently ensures that one's marital relation is a constant success.

Question, is there something your mate has constantly begged or requested you to do or stop doing? Do you feel that the request made is frivolous or unwarranted? Would you want your mate to respect your feelings and consider your request when you make it?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions then I admonish you, think twice, NO think a third time because you may be risking your marriage at the expense of your unwillingness to stop taking your mate for granted. It could be that they are simply asking you to help with a household chore one day of the week. That's not much to ask, is it? Maybe he or she is simply requesting that the two of you spend more time alone conversing and sharing. Who can it hurt? No one, but it can benefit you both when each party decides to please the other. Possibly you are one of those big boys who can't seem to grow up. You like hanging out at the clubs or bar room all night with your friends rather than spend time at home with your family. The worst part is you don't want your wife to say anything about it. What would you do if the tables were changed and she started hanging out and partying with her friends? We all know the answer to that. Neverthe-less, I ask you, by the mercies of God make a stern commitment that from this Valentines on, you will stop taking your partner for granted. You and only you know what needs to be changed for it to cease. Begin the cycle of change now.

2. Communicate with each other. A lack of communication is one of the greatest hindrances to a successful marriage or love relationship. When we don't communicate it is difficult to know how we feel about each other or what we really want or need from each other in order to continue coexisting. Communication is a vital source in relationship building because it destroys the barriers of disunity and misunderstanding. Communication is by no means one fold. It consists of oral and physical messages relayed from one party to the other at any given time. Hence, to communicate effectively with your mate, one must first spend time with them. In spending time with the individual you become privy to certain thoughts and behaviours that normally would not be shared in an overt setting. Per-haps, because the person knows you well enough and trusts you, he or she will be inclined to show all sides of who they really are regardless the good or the bad. In instances where certain buttons are pushed or boundaries are passed, it may only take a single word or body language to signal an offence. You see it all the time with husbands and wives who are veterans in the marital field. One may say or do something in public that offends or embarrasses the other and without a spoken word the individual could use certain actions to signal a need for concern.

Additionally, some marriages falter because while there may be some sense of communication about each other's physical and emotional state, the financial part is kept separate and apart. How many of you are married to a man or woman and don't have access to his or her finances? How many of you have separate or secret savings accounts that your mate knows nothing about? Sev-eral husbands and wives deal with finances as though it is a separate part of their love relationship. In other words, what you make is ours but what I make is mines: this is quite typical with women. We expect our husbands to carry most of the financial burdens while we keep our paycheque and spend it as we wish. At the end of the day, we develop a mindset that we don't have to give an account for any money we spend (the same applies to many men).

Picture this, a man is married to a woman who he trusts to responsibly prepare for their family's future. He paid all the household bills while his wife was left with her salary plus a portion of his to do whatever she desired. When hard times came, he sought to lean on his wife. However, he was left in a state of shock because she did not save a penny. One could all but imagine the mental damage this situation creates for a marriage. Nonetheless, it could have been avoided had the husband demanded that both incomes be brought together and then disbursed following consultations between them both.

Several married people today live this story. No doubt, there are instances where the wife works and carries most of the financial burdens of the family while the husband on the other hand abuses his income at a bar or number house. While this can be rather frustrating for anyone, the power of love is certainly strong enough to bypass the wrong of one individual towards another. Perhaps your marriage has been torn and damaged by a lack of communication in your relationship. Maybe you feel that things are beyond repair and the only alternative is divorce or separation. Though your frustration might have reached the roof, I entreat you, don't give up, hold on. God's word declares that there are some spirits that are cast out only by prayer and fasting. If you commit yourself in prayer and fasting God will change the miscommunication and hidden agenda of your mate. Your love can still transform to last forever.

3. Put God first. A husband is to always be seen as the priest of the home, he is your king whether saved or not. Some women, particularly Christian women feel that they have all justifiable rights to degrade, demean and disrespect their husbands simply because he's not saved. My question to you is this, if you continue such a negative path, what do you think will happen to that man? Or better yet, what do you hope to gain? Its obvious that nothing profitable can be gained from the public or private disrespect or debasement of a man. Chances are that if it continues he probably would just remain steadfast in his sinful path because there is no representative of God in the home. In addition, the man might just decide to walk out of the marriage.

How you love and treat your husband is a reflection of your love for God. The Bible tells us that the husband is the head of the home as God is the head of the church. And while some husbands may not be living in right standing with God, we are still required to treat them as kings and priests. The word of God says that the saved wife could win over her unsaved husband by her life living. In other words if you're saved and your husband is not, God wants you to be a spiritual role model to win him over. I admit that there are some women who will do all they can, to show their husbands love and respect and yet he would not change or may continue to hurt and to disappoint them. Nonetheless, know that while you may not deserve the individual, he on the other hand deserves you and needs you. You see it's not always about us and the wrong they have done, its about God and the love that he gives us to give to others. Be encouraged and keep putting your best foot forward, it's only a matter of time before God vindicates you, then you should see justice in the midst of your trying situation. But remember, you have what it takes to endure your situation. God would not have put it on you had He thought you could not bare it. What you are going through may seem unbearable but the person next door with the smile on her face is experiencing far worse. You simply need to stay focussed, ask God for strength and make sure that all is right on your part so that when God moves, you are not caught in the crossfire. I can assure you of this one thing, if the individual you are with is taking advantage of you for abusing you verbally and physically without just cause (no reason is justifiable for abuse of any sort) God will deal with them accordingly.

In essence, despite how melancholy or mediocre one's relationship might appear right now, this season of Valentines is the ideal time to spice things up and take our love to the next level. This week, vow to create an atmosphere of peace, serenity and romance in your home. Fall in love all over again by growing into love with each other one step at a time. Begin by appreciating the little things that you each have to offer. That way you'll be able to better maintain an atmosphere that is free of hurt and resentment.

This Saturday we invite you to join us at Light House International Evangelistic of Churches for a celebration of love dinner banquet under the theme "Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever." You might win a Discovery trip or a cellphone. If you are unable to join us this Saturday, feel free to visit during any of our ministry opportunities. Sunday morning worship at 10 a.m., Sunday evening service at 7 p.m., Wednesday mid-week service at 7:30 p.m. and Friday Youth and Children Ministry at 7:30 p.m. We also offer a free adult literacy program for people out of school. If you don't have a church home and need a place to marry, christen or bury your loved ones call us we have the resources to assist you. Contact info: 373-1219, 442-0771, email: light-house-intl@hotmail.com or evanspeterl@hotmail.com.