Ask Dr. Pam

Dear Dr. Pam,

I am really distraught. A few weeks ago, I had a falling out with my best friend of 15 years, over her newest love interest.

I do not like her boyfriend's treatment of her and I told her about it. How do you get a college educated professional woman to see that she is deserving of better in her life? She told me she will never speak to me again in life and she hasn't. I miss her dearly. Please help.

~ GG

Dear GG,

It sounds as if your friend's absence really bothers you. Matters of the heart tend to defy logic and cause some people to do things they would have never imagined in their lives.

You say that she is deserving of "better," but better is relative. Your friend obviously likes her relationship otherwise, she would have moved on.

You have told her how you feel, now back off. Write her a letter (e-mail), telling how much you miss the friendship and her presence. Let her know that you stand by your opinion, but you are willing to respect her choice. She will let you know the way forward.

~ Dr. Pam

Dear Dr. Pam,

How do you know if someone really cares about you and if she is the lady for you? I met a young lady recently, whom I really adore. We have dated for three months and I have enjoyed every moment of it. I am 33 and ready to settle down. She is 27.

~ Jimmy T

Dear Jimmy T,

Congratulations on your find. I believe that love involves more than just emotions. Ask yourself the following questions: How do I feel when I am in her presence? How does she demonstrate her love for me? Is that enough? What are her idiosyncrasies and can I live with them? How compatible are we in areas that are relevant to both of us?

Does she want to be with me as much as I want to be with her? Can I live with her? Record your responses. Give her a list of these questions and let her answer them about you. Discuss your answers honestly and then make your decision.

~ Dr. Pam

Point to Ponder: "Choose how you live; live with your choice."

Ask Doctor Pam is an advice column that is featured every Saturday in this journal. Your letters and comments are encouraged. You may email your letters or comments toaskdoctorpam@yahoo.com, or write to Askdoctorpam P.O. Box F43736. Dr. Pam is a Clinical Psychologist trained in all areas of mental health.