Set the rules ... spell out the consequences Ask Dr. Pam
Dear Dr. Pam,
I am the mother of a 13-year-old daughter. My daughter continuously begs me for a Facebook or Twitter account. This request is always denied. Despite my reply, she installed a Twitter account, which I discovered by chance. She was immediately instructed to disengage it and was strongly reprimanded for her actions. She became furious about having to "take it down," and has not spoken to me in two weeks. I am so concerned about her and I'm unsure about what to do. Please help.
Dear Emmy B.,
It is always important, though sometimes difficult, to guard your children's activities. I applaud your efforts in that arena. However, it appears that something went wrong a long time ago. I am not surprised that your daughter is not talking to you. After all, she opened an account that you prohibited. This is because you PERMITTED IT.
The fact that you are so concerned about her blatant disrespect for you speaks volumes. It is clear who is in charge. You are a 'Supportive Permissive' parent, which generally defines a parent who is more concerned about being her children's friend, than a mother. Take back the controls by letting your daughter know what you expect of her and what won't be tolerated; not talking to you should not be an option.
Dear Dr. Pam,
Should I allow my 14-year-old daughter to go to Port Lucaya on weekends?
Dear Jan P.,
Off course you should allow your 14- year-old daughter, or son to go to Port Lucaya on weekends, providing she/he is going with you, or another trusted adult.
Teenagers desire spending times with their friends and peers. A balanced amount of "playtime" is harmless. You need to know your child; her upbringing and her friends. Port Lucaya has a lot to offer everyone, but that is not the attraction for teenagers. They love to meet their friends, walk around and network. Make the visits to the Port a family affair. Permit your teenager time and space to "hang out." Set the rules; spell out the consequences. Arrange a place and time to reassemble. Enjoy The Port.
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* You may email your letters or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to Askdoctorpam P.O. Box F43736. (602-9550) Dr. Pam is a Clinical Psychologist trained in all areas of mental health.
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