Ask Dr Pam

Dear Dr. Pam,

I have been married to a somewhat wonderful man for the past 12 years. We have two beautiful daughters, ages 10 and seven.

We live in the Turks and Caicos Islands. I stumbled across your column on a recent trip to The Bahamas about a year ago, and we have been reading it ever since. Since we trust your advice, would you please settle an argument for us?

My husband says that a mother's influence is most important in the development of a girl's life. I say that a father's influence is more important. Who is correct? Your response is sought as my husband tends to spend many of his spare hours, away from the home.

Jackie G.

Dear Jackie G.,

Thanks for your confidence in me. You are both correct. A mother's role is to groom her daughter in social graces, roles, expectations and becoming a woman. She teaches, by conversations and modeling, how to raise a godly and successful family.

The father teaches his daughter, spiritual values, moral development and what to expect from a man. Most of these lessons are learned, through the way he treats her mother. The father helps in molding his daughter's self esteem. Suffice it to say, both roles are equally important. Dr. Pam

Dear Dr. Pam,

I am 25 years old and I live with my parents. I have been living with them for the past two years, since I returned from college. We have a pretty good relationship, and I appreciate them for all of the investments in me.

I am, however, somewhat uncomfortable having to always say where I am going and what time I am expected back. While in college in America, I lived alone and got used to my independence. This babysitting is driving me wild.

Freedom man

Dear Freedom man,

While I can appreciate the fact that you were able to take care of yourself while abroad, most parents want their house rules to be respected. You may want to talk to your parents about some flexibility of your time.

If they insist, however, you must remember that it is their home.

Often times, parents are more concerned about your personal safety, especially in these treacherous times late at night, more than the intricate details of your social life. In some cultures, parents take the age of the individual into account and govern their homes on the "adult" factor.

In our culture, many parents view whoever resides with them as children, despite the age. If all else fails, you could always spread your wings.

Dr. Pam

Point to Ponder: "Parenting is always easier, when you don't have children."

Ask Doctor Pam is an advice column that is featured every Saturday in this journal. Your letters and comments are encouraged. You may email your letters or comments toaskdoctorpam@yahoo.com, or write to Askdoctorpam P.O. Box F43736. Dr. Pam is a Clinical Psychologist trained in all areas of mental health.